There is a Time for Everything

It is 12:20 am, technically it is Wednesday. I call it very late Tuesday night.
I spent the entire day in San Clemente, California. My daughter had to have a Glucose Tolerance test this morning. She was told to bring someone along with her; because some people feel too faint afterwards to drive themselves home.
As I sat in the lobby waiting, I observed many mothers-to-be, each woman that walked in was more beautiful than the next. Everyone seemed so happy and excited!
I began day dreaming. Solomon's prayer came to my mind: Ecclesiastes chapter 3:2 " a time to die and a time to be born" etc...
...verse 14: "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so  that men will revere Him."
I was silently conversing with God. I thanked Him for the beauty of all these pregnant women.
Psalm 139 came to my mind; the prayer I have been thanking God for every single night for my future grand baby, Robert.
Verses 13-16: "For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the SECRET place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Ephesians 2:10 states that God designed each one of us for a particular purpose. We are God's masterpieces!!! Our ONLY job is to accept Him and live for Him.
God awaits for the day that we can depart from this earth to dwell with Him in heaven where we belong.
Lastly, I quote Colossians chapter 3:2:  "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
Many people know this story about me, I am telling it again for those who do not know it:
In 1978, I became pregnant with my firstborn child. We were so happy. I was satisfied attending daily Mass; as I was reared a Catholic. It was comfortable, and a familiar habit to fear God, go to Communion and Confession; make your sacraments, and rear Catholic children. I was RELIGIOUS!
On July 28, 1978, I became AGNOSTIC for twenty four hours; a hellful state to be in!
I had a stillborn baby boy; Robert Raymond. He was born at 6 1/2 months. Today he would have lived, "I thought." But God had other plans.
"I thought" How could or why would, a God who I tried to obey; why would He punish me so by allowing this so wanted, precious little baby to die?
When I came home from the hospital, I sat in my fully decorated baby nursery. I rocked for hours in the rocker that sat next to a bookcase. This terrible disappointment truly was God's appointment with me.
I have learned that every single prayer we pray to God is answered! It annoys me when people sometimes say, "Well , I guess God didn't answer that prayer!" God answers all who sincerely seek Him. This I know for sure! He answers with His will, and His plans, and mostly for His glory!
My husband's grandfather was an Evangelical Nazarene preacher. He sent my husband many Bibles from his different travels. We had them sitting unopened on the bookshelf in the baby's nursery.
I was rocking in a fury weeping uncontrollably over my dead, stillborn son. Honest to heaven; the rung from that huge antique rocker got caught underneath that bookshelf, and a green Living Bible wrapped in a box, hit me on the side of my head from the top shelf.
I saw stars and blacked out for a moment. When I came to, I got the Bible in my hand, lifted it to heaven, and I said: " I hate you God! You aren't even real anyway. I will no longer serve you, obey you, or go to church! I declare war! I will read this Bible and any other information I can. I will disprove you if it is the last thing I do. You do not answer prayers!" For the next month, I ravenously ate the words from that Bible. I could not put it down. I lost my hope. I became skin and bones. No appetite for joy or life.
One day, I came to read John, chapter 3 where Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish council; (a Pharisee, ) and Jesus had a discussion about being BORN AGAIN.
Nicodemus goes on to tell Jesus that an old man cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born again. Jesus replies, " I tell you the truth, no one can enter the Kingdom unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, BUT, the spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised by my saying, You must be BORN AGAIN."
Jesus explained that we cannot control the Holy Spirit in the same way we could not control our physical birth.
Here is the part that convicted me: "verse 8. "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear it's sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going."
I don't know why Robert Raymond died, I don't know exactly why God allowed my pain. I don't know God's business with Robert. I don't know the covenant they made , or where Robert is, or went. I believe he is of God, sent by God and is with God in a spiritual form. I just trust God!
I do know however, that I became Born Again that day! IF, BIG IF, God gave me His son, who am I not to give Him mine.
My son was the catalyst to my conversion of true faith, an angel of God directing me to God's will and not my own. I found God through so much pain; just as Jesus' pain gave me the chance to keep God!
In my life, faith has not been what I have seen, it is what I believe, and I believe God's ways are perfect.
When I arrived back home this evening, I received two phone calls. One, from a childhood friend. Her father died this morning. The next call was from another friend who had a death in her family also. I am not sad. I'm sorry for their pain, but both people proclaimed to know Christ. They are home and perfect now and may they rest in peace.
God has so much better for us all when we go home to Him.
I enjoy observing all of His miracles, like the pregnant women I saw today. We are allowed little glimpses of heaven, but if that is all there is, we would not seek God.
By the time you get finished with this post, it may be THURSDAY! LOL! I think it is worth it!


My Stillborn Child


I knew you in my heart
And in a twilight dream
I felt you in my womb
And in my labors scream
You were my life's biggest disappointment
God's destined appointment
You are like fruit that did not meet my season
I know God had a reason
You came and went so suddenly
My stillborn child!
You humbled me
I have salvation because of thee
You passed through earth
With a human birth
But your aim was heaven all along
God chose you to sing His song
You prospered and achieved
You saved and you relieved
Because of you, I know God's mercy
I feel His mighty touch
I have learned so much!
Thank you for choosing to flow through me
I shall never forget thee
When we meet someday, I 'll kiss your precious wings
To release life's stings


We must believe that even through tragedy, God has a plan.
"What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love Him."  1 Corinthians 2:9