"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:8

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Years

This is the first day of the year that I have experienced being alone for at least one hour! Am I complaining? NO WAY! I thank GOD for people, friends, and family!
I am a night owl and I accomplish many things at night when things are still.
Sometimes at night, you can hear loneliness; heck, you can even feel it! I have never even for one minute experienced loneliness in the past. I didn't even understand it. I am the baby of my siblings and everyone looked after me my entire life.
I have a darling daughter named Sarah. She is an elementary school teacher who is married to a 1st Lieutenant in the Marine Corps. She is my only child, and her husband was her high school sweetheart and love of her life. They were always around the house for dinner, doing homework together and they brought much excitement to my house.
 I was a Brownie mom, a Girl Scout mom, a PTA mom, Room mom and Bible study leader for 14 years. My daughter was in Dance class, Voice lessons, Piano lessons, Teen Rotary, Republican Party youth volunteer, she was a Candy Striper for 6 years, she was in pageants to earn college scholarship money, she was in Art classes, and since she was 12; she always had a job: babysitting, tutoring, working at Blockbuster, Hostess at two different restaurants; You got the idea? Everything she was in, I was in also; doing the behind the scene driving, waiting, encouraging, cooking; parent things like most moms.
After getting her Masters degree, my daughter announced that she was getting married. I knew this meant that she was leaving because her soon to be Richard's career required it.
I have my own life and my own interests. I'm a painter, a crafter and a volunteer. I have wonderful friends and a dear sister and a brother. Both of my parents are dead. I miss them so much. That was the beginning of the lonely pangs, "an orphan" type syndrome. I had always been a real "Pollyanna" type until the real rip tides hit!
My husband's Alzheimered mother had to come to live with us because our savings could no longer accommodate her huge Rest Home bills. I was enmeshed with taking care of everyone, my family and their lives.
During a three year period, I got very ill and had a Radical Hysterectomy. I got separated from my husband of 36 years, my daughter graduated from College, I had another major surgery to repair some collapsed organs, we prepared for and had a Wedding, I had a major car accident two weeks before the wedding which totaled my paid for nice car, we moved my daughter to another state, and presently; I am facing yet another probable surgery. Yada yada yada...
My daughter married on July 12, 2008. She left California for Quantico, Virginia on December 6, 2008.
Christmas was bleak. It was the first time in my life that I spent Christmas alone. So many of my precious friends invited me. Because of PRIDE, I said I was busy.
I cooked a nice Christmas dinner and took plates to homes of people I knew were alone. Then I came home, built a fire and sat and cried. Belle of the Ball, prideful me; ALONE at Christmas!
After my pity party, GOD, yes God;  brought all of my former Christmases to my mind. It was as if I were in a beautiful dream-like state remembering vividly, all of my past Christmases with everyone whole and vibrantly alive and happy! I learned that "different," "changes," and being "alone" can be wonderful times of refinement.
I always profess that I am a Christian. I love God, try to obey Him, read about Him and all; but to need Him is to know Him intimately. Only GOD will never leave you, forsake you, or betray you for eternity.
Here I sit, reminiscing about the years of 2008 to 2011. My daughter and her husband recently moved to San Clemente California, exactly an hours drive away from me. They are stationed at camp Pendleton for a few years. They are both sleeping safely in my guest room, expecting their first child; my first grandchild! I ached for them. Two left, and three returned. Sadness, pain, and loneliness can be the BEST teaching tools you will ever experience! Birthed from them in my life is: patience, trust, hope, independence, gratitude, forgiveness, and TRUE spirituality! I had Christmas with GOD!
I am wishing everyone, New Year's with God! Whatever you are going through, know that God is sovereign. His word and His promises never fail. Your Father will reward you with His presence. Let's give God the gift of ourselves!
My New Year's resolution is to thank God for each day as the sun rises, and to try to be grateful no matter what the day brings, and ; to live in God's will, not my own selfish one.
Joel, chapter 2 verse 25: "I WILL repay you for the years the locust have eaten."
Just as I ached to see my daughter, Jesus ACHES to speak with you. Matthew chapter 5, verses 5 to 7:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the Synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is UNSEEN. Then your father who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

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